His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
