period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
