we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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