If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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