dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
