STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
