What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
