what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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