I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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