Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
