It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
