I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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