she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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