he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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