I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
