dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Someone shattered a urinal.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
