looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
