Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
