I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
zippers are such a cool invention
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You made out with two different species that night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
