I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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