): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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