I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
