Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
