How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Houston, we have a blender
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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