I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
