was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
