i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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