so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
