I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
