A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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