did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
