I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
