I am puke
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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