Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
