Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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