Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
