someone get that fucking seahorse.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
