I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
