he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
