I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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