help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
