$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
