apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
