everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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