Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
