i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
