Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize