I look better un-naked...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
