based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
