That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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