If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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