He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
