The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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