I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
