Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
