come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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