I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
