eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
