Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
