It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
