yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
