I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i think i just lost a toe
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
