I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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