I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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