the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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