dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
